edwardandrew: 08/24/14 - Lookbook x Levi’s collab
i’ve never been skinny mini and i’ve never loved my body. often times i curse myself for not having a fast metabolism, but after 21 years you’d think i’d finally learn that no amount of pouting would make me thin. but let’s face it, most of the time it’s my fault. i love food and i love being lazy, so naturally, i wouldn’t be helping my body.
anyways, i know i complain about myself all the time and i know everyone is tired of it. losing weight is hard, but i know it’s doable. i’ve stripped down in front of the mirror ( don’t tell me you guys haven’t done that), took one hard look at myself and realized i need to get fit. but none of that no-carb diet crap or fad diet crap. i mean actually working for it and eating healthy. i’ve been pushing it back way too long and i thought that since the new school year was about to start, i should also have a new resolution.
i’m tired of people telling me my whole life that i’m fat or whatever and i’m tired of close friends telling me i’m NOT fat to be nice. and i’m tired of myself for hating myself. it’s been too long. but mostly, i’m motivated for my dad. i’ve recently had this huge panic attack when thinking about my parents. i’m awfully concerned for my dad especially since he has diabetes and high cholesterol and high blood pressure so basically the whole package. but everything we tell him to lay off the sweets or the snacks or whatever, he’s immune to our words. and he has every right to. we aren’t helping either because i’m not the healthiest freak on earth. anyways, as i said, i had a huge panic attack in the movie theatre yesterday ( i know, perfect timing for an epiphany) thinking about what i’d do if my parents were gone because of some heart attack or stroke. so i started to think that if i change, maybe he would too and i wouldn’t be some mere lecturer about his health. hopefully i can keep my words and go through with this.
remember when i made that entry about low self-esteem earlier in the year and how with baby steps i’d probably change that? well this summer a lot of times i said fuck it and would actually communicate with people. and i actually got to meet a lot of great people because i got out of my comfort zone for a bit. to think i was so scared that i’d just be a spectator and i’d have no friends for eleven weeks because i’m shy. anyways, i think this would be one more baby step to increase my esteem. so cheers to a new school year. hopefully it’s great. i miss the small group of people i call my friends, and i’m happy to see them again. sorry i’m ranting to myself.
Photograph by Irving Penn © The Irving Penn Foundation
i’m gonna name my firstborn “arial”
and people will be like “oh like the mermaid”
and i’ll say “no like the font”